Don’t Worry, Be Happy
How can unhappy people achieve joyful lives? Consider Grace – a composite personality developed from psychotherapy case files – and her distressing situation. A married mother of two, Grace earned a comfortable salary as a bank manager, but she could not enjoy life. Most days, she felt compelled to stay at work from early in the morning until late at night. Putting in so many hours left her physically and emotionally drained. She missed having fun. From sunup to sundown, her life was a numbing, weary slog. Grace saw herself as a soulless automaton and not as a happy person. She used to like her job and get along well with her colleagues and employees, but, over time, her stress made her short-tempered, and her staff resented her ill temper.
“What we focus on becomes our reality.”
At Grace’s annual review, her boss told her that her employees routinely complained about her lack of leadership. Grace seethed with anger, thinking to herself, “How dare he criticize my work when I’ve logged...more than 70 hours a week!” But after some tough, honest reflection, Grace started to see things differently. She admitted that her boss and co-workers were right. She used to be happy, efficient and self-satisfied. Now she abhorred her work life, which affected how she treated everybody else.
“We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”
The day after her meeting with her boss, Grace hired a life coach. After some consultation, the coach recommended, among other things, that Grace should set a new schedule with less time at the office and more time for her family, exercise and leisure. Grace was elated when her boss approved her revised work plan. With her new hours, she began to feel a renewed sense of energy and purpose. Her family and colleagues noticed the positive changes. She apologized to her team for her earlier behavior and asked for their ideas on how their unit could work more effectively.
“You...cannot attain your desires if you do not know what they are.”
Grace now loves her job, and her employees are much happier. She is a model of productivity, and her boss and co-workers respect her. She spends ample time with her husband and children. Grace’s life is more enjoyable because she courageously examined her situation, got help, set priorities, took charge and decided to change. She is happier because she got in touch with her real desires – to halt the relentless pace, to spend time with her family and to have fun – and she began to honor them. If you reject your basic needs – the wishes and goals that lead directly to your principal purpose in life – you will always feel depleted and depressed. However, when you have the courage to acknowledge what you really want and take proactive steps to realize it and gain control of your life, you can become happy, engaged and self-fulfilled; you can be someone who others intuitively like and respect.
“When you go through life without clear intentions, you attract a whole range of circumstances – some wanted, but many of them unwanted.”
You can transform the primary emotions, beliefs and thoughts that drive your existence and make them work for you. This is vital because some people’s feelings and ideas sabotage their lives. When Grace took charge of her life, she began to radiate positive energy, and others responded to her just as positively. Thus, she strengthened her relationships at work and at home. Because relationship health correlates with overall health, Grace also improved her physical well-being.
“The Harmonic Matching Process”
You can change your life by using the power of harmonic matching, “the deliberate intention to attract” what you want. This process requires “aligning and focusing.” To become a magnet for what you want, align your thinking, feeling and wishes with your most basic desires, instead of your most basic fears. Put fear aside and focus on your goals. Take charge of your thoughts, because they shape your emotions. Whatever you project is what you will attract. If you dwell on your hopes, optimism, success and positivity, you will attract them. If you focus on pessimism, fear, failure and negativity, you will bring down dark clouds instead of turning on the light.
“Whatever you believe will be what you experience in your life.”
To relate well with others and to create a life of joyous positivity, develop your “harmonic consciousness.” Radiate upbeat vibrations in everything you say and do. You cannot see or touch these “waves of energy,” but they exist nevertheless, just like radio waves. While you cannot weigh, track or measure the positive vibrations you emit, other people will sense them subconsciously and respond in kind. Try to feel this universal force and project a “vibrational consciousness” that resonates with your basic desires.
“Relationships are, at their core, about teamwork.”
If this sounds esoteric, recent developments in quantum physics prove that everything material, including all living beings, pulses with vibrant energy. Indeed, according to scientists, even minor subatomic particles, the building blocks of all matter, are not truly solid. Rather, they are “compressed vibrating energy.” Everything physical vibrates on special frequencies. Your positive vibrations will send cheerful energy out to others. Those who share the same vibrational frequencies are all in resonance with each other. This state of resonance is the basis of the “law of attraction,” which says, “Like attracts like.”
“The louder you shout no, the more strength you are giving to what you do not want.”
Some people believe that to be good, they must focus on what is best for others and not for themselves. Thus, they automatically subordinate their desires to others’ wishes. This is the product of flawed thinking. Clearly, you can’t make others happy if you are unhappy, and you can’t love them if you don’t love yourself. So show yourself some respect by putting your desires first. Once you transform your thinking and your emotions this way, you can begin to attract meaningful relationships and new opportunities. Use the four-step “Harmonic Matching Process” to work toward this transformation:
Step 1: “Create Feel-Good Moments”
To feel good, recall some fond memories – for example, a glorious day from the past, an event where you received an award or a time when you secured a good job. Cherish great memories. As you bring them to mind, engage as many of your senses as possible. This will lift your mood and strengthen your “emotional muscles.” Put your imagination to work on creating uplifting thoughts – for instance, picturing yourself lying on a beautiful beach – that will elevate your mood. Relish thinking about something you’re really good at doing. Your focus becomes your experience. When you harbor negative thoughts, immediately shift your thinking to something positive, including your most important objectives. Keep a journal of the positive outcomes you want to achieve so you see “that you can choose to direct” your thoughts in an upbeat direction.
Step 2: “Identify Your Desires”
Your desires directly correlate with your happiness. However, to achieve what you want, you must be able to identify it. Perhaps an engaging job or more positive relationships? Write down your wants and goals in detail. Tie specific desires to what you deem to be truly important. People who can discipline their thoughts this way often find that doors suddenly open to even better outcomes than they originally desired. Your subconscious is immensely powerful. If you focus on your goals, your subconscious will automatically work behind the scenes to help you get whatever you target.
Step 3: “Activate Your Intentions”
Knowing what you want is vital, but developing a plan to achieve it is just as important. Tell yourself you can attain what you want. Engaging in positive self-talk makes your ambitions more believable and it activates your subconscious, helping to shape a new reality based on your beliefs. To make desired outcomes happen, break them down into small, sequential goals. Develop and implement plans to achieve each of these goals in turn. For example, if you want a better job or a new career, you may need to take some college classes to expand your knowledge. Or you may want to seek the advice of people who already hold the type of job you want. In short, develop firm objectives and implement specific strategies to achieve them.
Step 4: “Release the Outcome”
Congratulate yourself when you succeed in elevating your thinking and your sense of optimism. You’ve identified your basic desires, and you’ve planned and taken the necessary steps to achieve those goals. Now let go of this deliberate process of building optimism and just enjoy living your life. Relish every precious moment of your singular existence. Don’t put everything on hold while you wait for your desires to manifest. Have faith that what you want will come to you when it should. Trust that life will bring you what you need. This belief will help activate your subconscious. And when the time is right, your subconscious will help you secure your goals, although they may take different forms than you expect and may arrive on different schedules than you originally planned.
“10 Essentials to Well-Being”
Follow 10 straightforward rules to build and maintain your equilibrium:
- “Love yourself” – Take charge of your life. Stop feeling like a victim.
- “Stay in the present; put the past behind you” – Allow well-being into your life instead of holding on to pain.
- “Forgive yourself and others” – Let go of being judgmental.
- “Be grateful” – Appreciate your sense of well-being and let it inspire you. “See the gifts” in your connections with other people.
- “Live from integrity” – Your foundational beliefs and values are the basis of “something meaningful to give to another person.”
- “Create a consciousness of abundance” – Dwell on what you have, not on what you lack.
- “Be lighthearted” – Make room in your life for humor and laughter. Smile and notice when other people smile.
- “Be optimistic” – Learn from your experience and develop “a prevailing vibration of well-being.”
- “Use your intuition” – Heeding your hunches is intrinsic to “believing in yourself.”
- “Correlate your thoughts, emotions and beliefs with what you are attracting” – To learn the most from every moment, be aware of the forces you bring into your life.
Relationship Do’s and Don’ts
Comfortable and sustainable relationships are essential to a happy life. Unfortunately, many people find that entrenched negative thinking patterns – based on fears rather than positive desires, and reinforced by their subconscious – get in the way of developing healthy relationships. Negative thinking manifests itself in destructive ways – for example, in the need to control others. The need to hang on to the status quo, which can become a fear of anything unfamiliar, is another strong emotional imperative that can work against building healthy relationships.
“Forgiveness is the only way to finally let go of the hurt so you can move on.”
So what can you do to build strong connections with other people? Loving yourself is essential. If you feel good about yourself, you will be able to feel good about others. Show that you’re enthusiastic about getting to know other people. Show an interest in them. Try to appreciate everyone who enters your life. Be positive, since people tend to avoid those who bring them down. Attempt to see things from other people’s perspectives instead of being judgmental. Be open-minded, forgiving, compassionate and kind.
“The best of life is before you when you treasure what you have.”
A necessary word of caution: Sometimes the best relationships suddenly end. You may suffer the death of someone you love or, despite your best efforts, a divorce. An unexpected move may uproot you from the people and places that bring you comfort. Or you may lose your job. What then? Remember that life comes with loss. To stay happy, never cling obsessively to what you have. Understand that loss and sorrow can enable you to grow in new ways. Indeed, overcoming loss can make you a stronger person. Accept it, grieve, work on healing and be ready to move on. Even a positive life has downs as well as ups, but you can learn resilience and use optimism to give you strength.
“Happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.” (Dale Carnegie)
A happy and satisfying life is just around the corner. You can draw it closer by implementing the principles of the Harmonic Matching Process. Appreciate yourself. Reach for the fulfillment of your goals, satisfying endeavors and joy-filled relationships.